Schmermy.

Schmermy is how I feel today because I went in to the doctor for three things -- nasty pain in my left lady-ball,  a mole that is suddenly sticky-outy and dark instead of flat and light, and a mysterious lump in my right thigh. 

I went in there like -- "period cramps, hormonal mole changes and a zit!" not wanting to think about the potential stress associated with having to check these things for something more serious, but my doctor quickly burst that bubble. The ovary is getting ultrasounded, the mole is getting a biopsy and the lump is on probation, which means I have to watch it to make sure it gets no bigger, or they will be taking that out and sending it for biopsy, too. 

All of this is happening at the same time that my uncle is perhaps in his last days after a long struggle with cancer all through his body, and my grandpa just had to have a lump in his tongue taken out and checked. So there's a lot of C-word floating around and I am trying my best to stay calm about these three things going on with my body and keep in mind that it is probably just a coincidence that they are all happening at the same time, that it's probably ovarian cysts (which I have a history of), just a mole that is changing as I age (common) and a benign cyst in my leg. Probably these things are true -- I have very little cancer in my blood family, and I am young and have pretty much none of the risk factors. Still, things do happen. Anyway -- all of it has really made me think about how much we need to enjoy every day and show love to those around us, because we never know when we are going to go. So many things have happened for me so far this year that have driven that point home. Stuff about my uncle. A friend, an amazing woman, younger than me, with a beautiful husband and baby boy, was killed in a car accident in December and her husband and son have to go on without her. I have been trying so hard to stay in the present moment and really enjoy life and try not to stress about anything because I want to know that at the end, I'll feel like I really made the most of my time here with the people I love. 

xo.h